I have a long-standing issue with people who choose to cast aspersions on childless couples, as if not having children was a defective character trait of some sort. Questions people might ask are: Why doesn’t Mr./Ms. XYZ have children? Are they having problems? Don’t they want any?
Of course, “they” can be easily interchanged with “you”, if you happen to be the target of interrogation about your reproductive status.
As someone who is childless, I’m embarrassed to confess I’ve harbored such thoughts about other childless couples because it’s none of my business any more than it is someone else’s business when they ask me why didn’t I and my spouse have any kids. Those comments are rooted in ignorance and intentionally or not, can feel like you are conveying that you think someone is lacking in something if they aren’t a parent.
(And if you were to argue, “Oh noooo! I never meant that!”, then why the hell did you ask about someone’s child status – or lack thereof, in the first place?)
There’s a multitude of reasons why a couple is childless and often, the reasons are deeply personal and excruciatingly painful to bear. And sometimes not: some people simply don’t want children. In any case, it’s nobody’s damn business. Ever.
Unfortunately, some people want to make it their business, be it family members, friends, or strangers, with expressions of pity (highly unwanted and unwarranted), shame, or outright judgement. Or all of the above. To my mind, this is an insidious, societal malady – judging people’s worth based on whether or not they have children.
I imagine this has been going on for millenia and still does, around the world – including here in the United States.
Casting aspersions on those who aren’t parents by a political candidate or politician is particularly galling and potentially dangerous. (I’ll get to the dangerous part in a bit).
Case in point: last weekend, J.D. Vance, a U.S. Senate candidate from Ohio, called out the “childless left” whom he said have “no physical commitment to the future of this country” in a fiery speech given to the Intercollegiate Studies Institute’s conference on the Future of American Political Economy.
He seemed to be aiming at certain politicians he dislikes: he specifically named Vice President Kamala Harris, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, Sen. Cory Booker of New Jersey, and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, citing them as the childless future leaders of the Democratic Party.
“Why is this just a normal fact of … life, for the leaders of our country to be people who don’t have a personal and direct stake in it via their own offspring?” Vance asked.
Why do you ask such a question, Mr. Vance? What’s not “normal” for you, is perfectly fine for others. A non-issue.
He cynically attacked some Democrats’ suggestion that voting rights be given to 16-year -olds by saying:
“Let’s do this instead. Let’s give votes to all children in this country, but let’s give control over those votes to the parents of the children.” He continued, asking, “Doesn’t this mean that nonparents don’t have as much of a voice as parents? Doesn’t this mean that parents get a bigger say in how democracy functions?”
Vance was offering a counterproposal: instead of offering the vote to 16-year-olds, increase the voting power of parents by multiplying their vote by the number of children they have.
Never mind that there are likely childless Republican couples who exist in the USA – the fact that this Senate candidate bothered to attack childless couples is despicable. And they ought not to have the right vote because of not having children?!
What a fucking moron!
Childless couples and couples with children alike pay taxes. Property taxes. School taxes. Taxes that go toward infrastructure. Taxes to support social safety nets for FAMILIES. Federal, state, and local taxes…etc, etc. If they’re paying taxes, then they have the right to vote.
Vance said childless Americans have “no physical commitment to the future of this country”. What’s he going to suggest next: that childless adults are not Americans?
He said,
“We should worry that in America, family formation, our birth rates, a ton of indicators of family health have collapsed,” the candidate said, highlighting the severity of America’s ongoing fertility crisis and calling it a “civilizational crisis.”
I don’t appreciate that he is valuing a person’s worth based on their ability to reproduce, as if the only value a woman has is if she’s a baby vessel and the man is a sperm bank.
Welcome back to the Dark Ages!
This guy, J.D. Vance, wrote a memoir called Hillbilly Elegy, which I read with my local library’s book discussion group. It was okay, I think. I don’t remember it well – it didn’t stick in my mind for days afterwards as some good memoirs do…and I’ve read many memoirs in my lifetime. I DO remember most readers in our group weren’t terribly impressed with his memoir. That’s not telling you much about his book, is it? Just my personal opinion of course! (Otherwise, I would be gushing over it…which I’m not.)
Now the creepy, potentially dangerous part:
Since Mr. Vance spewed out his anti-childless poison, the folks over at Fox & Friends decided it would be cool to take his proposal a step further by promoting the idea that “childless” Americans should not be allowed to participate in society by voting. Hey, they thought it wasn’t such a bad idea! They said it was an interesting idea.
Host Will Cain said. “I think it’s an interesting idea. I’m into interesting ideas. Let’s think about it. Let’s talk about it. He’s saying childless leaders are making decisions that are short-term in mind, not focused on the long-term future health of this country because they don’t have a stake in the game. Parents have a stake in the game, they have children so give parents a bigger say.”
FOX News has a scary-large number of viewers, in the millions, I believe. What a nice way to plant into their viewers’ minds the idea that people who don’t have children are of less value as human beings – as people who apparently lack character for not propagating the population, not least of all during a pandemic and a worsening climate change crisis. And therefore ought not have the right to vote.
Does J.D. Vance and the folks at Fox and Friends have any friends and relations who don’t have children for whatever reason? If so, would they gladly tell them that they think childless couples have “no physical commitment to the future of this country” and therefore, should NOT vote?
I can only fervently hope this SICK and dangerous idea of Mr. Vance’s doesn’t spread like wildfire and become entrenched as “mainstream” conservative thinking, let alone become the impetus for one more disgusting voter suppression bill.
Women and men are so much more than a baby vessel or sperm bank and have participated and contributed to the good of America since way before anyone alive today can remember, with child or without child. You need only remember the decades-long battle that women fought for women’s suffrage; the marches for civil rights for EVERYONE that continue today; and the advances in science and medicine that conquer cancer and face down a pandemic. Among many other scientific wonders.
Was a person’s status as a parent or not truly the central focus of any of those battles to move humanity forward? I don’t think so! You get the idea.
Let’s keep it that way.
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